Dtmahanen
Witnessing (and participating in) shenanigans
Posts: 123 
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Post by Dtmahanen on Jun 7, 2020 18:34:31 GMT
Hello again! This time I'm not reviewing for the Book Club, but because it's BLITZ WEEK! To start with, once again, we've got a perspective shift, and this time it's to Ruby, I'm guessing. This one definitely intrigues me, especially because you're taking the perspective of a psychic pokémon, which is always very, very fun. However, other than the relatively obvious psychic and emotion-sensing abilities, I'm wondering what steps you're going to take to further differentiate the two perspectives, since right now, they feel pretty similar.
As for Luke, we get a little more insight into who he is, and boi he edgy. And yes, I do sort of mean it in the sense of the stereotypical edgy persona of "I've seen things, I'm surrounded by darkness, I work best alone, if you've seen the things I've seen it would tear you apaaaaaaart". Granted, this is absolutely still early days, and he's still got room to grow, but him so vehemently refusing Jonathan's help for so long, and then only caving at the very end but sorta guilt-tripping his team into taking responsibility for his death? Not a great look, buddy. Then again, this is a dark world you're setting up, what with the espeon having a literal metal leg as a symbol of pokémon abuse (Team Plasma would have a friggin' field day).
Finally, once again, run-on sentences are your worst enemy grammar-wise. My main suggestion would be to go through your text again, and potentially read it out loud as you do. That way, it'll be easier to figure out where and when to stop a sentence. It's a frequent enough issue that I feel I have to point it out again.
Overall, this is definitely another interesting chapter, and I'm looking forward to more.
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Dtmahanen
Witnessing (and participating in) shenanigans
Posts: 123
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Post by Dtmahanen on Jun 20, 2020 19:58:13 GMT
Alright, I'm here for my Book Club Review for Chapter 4! To start, I know I keep harping on this, but it must be said: dude. Run-on sentences. Are. Everywhere in this fic. I know it must be frustrating to see me comment this over and over again, but it's a relatively simple fix once you focus on how to cleanly divide a sentence. I'll give you an example.
So, to demonstrate, I would personally add a period after "battle", making the first sentence into "Jonathan was currently in the middle of yet another battle." (There's also just a little too much detail in the second part of this, and the "more" should be replaced with "most", but that's not my main focus here.) There are many sentences that have very clear points where they can stop. Again, I suggest that you take a look at your sentences as you write them, say them out loud, and depending on where you think the sentence would naturally break, put that into your writing. It'll help tremendously.
Now, onto the story bits, and we've got a new perspective! I won't lie, due to all of the perspective switching, I'm starting to wonder exactly who the main character is, especially considering that this new perspective isn't one of Luke's pokémon, but an entirely new Trainer. Although, I'm not opposed, as Jonathan just seems more interesting in a lot of ways than Luke. He's a little more cocky, and has a camaraderie with his pokémon where he can joke with them. He also seems to be a little bit more reasonable than Luke, not wanting to tackle things alone all the time. (Also, Luke has a gardevoir and Jonathan has a gallade? Pure coincidence, it has to be.) Also, I'm glad we have an enemy in the "phantoms" Luke mentioned, but what do we really know about them other than the fact that they have messed-up pokémon? I'm looking forward to figuring that out!
As before, there's promise here, but also areas that can absolutely be improved. I'll be here for more!
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Post by █ █ m a g i c k a █ █ on Jul 6, 2020 8:45:36 GMT
Book Club.
Alrighty, The Shattered Sword. I've actually seen this fic around a bit - though I hadn't given it a read until just now. I've recently completed the first chapter. Now, to me, the first chapter is important as a first impressions. This is, after all, the first thing a reader will... read... and I believe if a first chapter isn't better than mine - the pinnacle of mediocrity - than it should spend a tiny bit more time in the oven.
Now, with that said, I feel comfortable saying that your first chapter is fairly serviceable. While the presentation of new information via the narration was a tad intrusive at times, I do feel the information shared generally outweighed whatever "Sucked Out of It"-ness may have occured. Likewise, while I found the details in the narration a tad sparse, they were not entirely spartan. Things were described in necessary depth, and not taken beyond that - a measure of restraint I can respect, even if I do personally enjoy stories that are a bit more crammy.
Another thing that I will say is that this first chapter, unfortunately, suffers from a slight case of stiffness towards the beginning. This, however, I don't count against you as I find most people's first chapters to be rather stiff. To your credit, in fact, I'd say that the context of the story itself - the small amount presented thus far, at least - lends the somewhat stiff prose presented a paradoxically more organic fit for the main character.
And finally, speaking of characters, Luke. It seems to me that we have one moody boy on our hands, in the midsts of sifting through government nonsense. Trust issues, nightmares, Pokemon Champion - really just a trifecta of dysfunction. I am quite interested to see how this boy develops in the future. I certainly hope he lives up to the intrigue that it appears is trying to be established here.
Overall, I'd say this chapter was good. Whilst I do believe there are things to be improved, ultimately, I think it serves its purpose rather well. I like it.
With that, I hope you find some part of this useful. Until next time!
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Dtmahanen
Witnessing (and participating in) shenanigans
Posts: 123
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Post by Dtmahanen on Jul 17, 2020 1:49:48 GMT
Well well, this is an intriguing bit of info.
Heyya, this is my review for the Book Club! Specifically, we're looking at Chapter 5 today. First, to get this out of the way early, while there are still some run-on sentences and weird paragraph breaks, the former is greatly diminished in this chapter, which is nice to see. As for the weird paragraph breaks, let me give you an example.
This whole thing could honestly be a single paragraph. They all seem to be talking about the same basic idea, so there's no real need to split them at all. There are a few examples of this throughout the chapter (and the rest of the fic, to be honest), so it probably wouldn't hurt to take a look.
Now, onto the meat of things, and I want to start with that flashback. Because quite frankly, this is Luke at his most interesting. We get a snapshot of a kid who feels he has to grow up way too fast, and when things don't work in his favor, it's like the world's out to get him. That's intriguing, to say the least. He's a guy who has to have his way, to advance faster than everyone else, and maybe even faster than he should. Now that's a character trait to latch onto. I like it. Couple that with his incessant need to keep secrets even from his own teammate, and his need to never be wrong ever, and there's a complex beginning to arise. What kind, I don't know, but it's giving him more layers at least.
And now the plot's starting to move a bit, and we've got secret agents, an old war that gives people Vietnam flashbacks, and gardevoir crystals embedded in people???!!! Okay. Color me intrigued. The most extensive pokémon mutilation we've seen thus far have been weird prosthetics, so this is something new and weird.
As before, it's a little rough, but that last little bit hooked me pretty damn hard. Im looking forward to more.
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roule
Take it all, or leave it... I feel you
Posts: 39 
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Post by roule on Aug 2, 2020 5:47:27 GMT
I've always had a soft spot for fics that focus less on the adventure of getting to the champion position and more on the actual work that the champion has within the universe. Its interesting to see different interpretations on a relatively vague position within the pokemon world. Luke seems to have the duties of a sort of politician for the people of Venetia that hes pressing up against with his desire to investigate the odd criminal underground choking the region he lives in. Speaking of the region, I feel like right now the development of it is a little sparse, but the elements that are in there are quite interested. I'm particularly intrigued on how psychic types seem to be the predominant starter for all trainers, and I wonder if this will factor in to the criminal group later on. Overall, this was a very good first chapter, and I can't wait to read more.
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Post by Cavespider_17 on Aug 23, 2020 15:47:32 GMT
This is a review of Chapter 2 for book club
I’m sorry this is late.
So firstly I’d like to say, I think that the description throughout the chapter is really nicely painted. I really enjoy how the wordplay and ponds, and adapted use of language fits the Pokémon world. I think the relationship between the characters hasn’t altered very much as of yet, however I know this is only the second chapter – so there will probably be more alterations later on. I’m not too sure why they are pushing a feeling it’s in the back her mind, because it’s guilt so guilt doesn’t tend to easily be pushed back. I think it be nice if you added a bit more description Or some kind of link back to why how easily this is done.
In regards to Gray as a character, I see that he could have a lot of growth in the long run. Although I’m not too sure about his personal connection to the main character. And that something I have had a general feeling throughout the chat that is the central character feels like they are just there. And the focus is on the characters surrounding them. While the main character is feeling skilled et cetera there is no sort of snap to that. Maybe put a little bit more emphasis on that, or what they are doing, rather than those around the,m.
One minor thing I noticed, is in a few places you have a. Instead of a, or during speech. For example “I already blame myself for a lot, I’d probably kill myself if any of you died because he got involved in this mess,” rather than mess.”
Overall though, it was a good chapter.
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Post by faize on Aug 30, 2020 4:38:23 GMT
Book Club Chapter One:
I will admit I am not a fan of the first person perspective, but I do believe it was employed in this fic in a somewhat effective manner (with room for improvement). The plot has a lot of intriguing points, especially with the emphasis on psychic Pokemon's powers and I am flush with anticipation to see how it will all tie together. I like the character of Serene very much, she is a nice Seviper. The plot point of being trapped in the past in a mental sense, unable to escape from past mistakes and regrets is also interesting it me. I foresee it to be the source of much of the conflict to come. I am personally interested to see how the charged stones affect the main character's body and mind. This chapter has a lot of potential and I will have to look into the next to see how it all comes together.
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Post by CompleteWingback on Sept 12, 2020 22:18:53 GMT
book club review of chapter 1!
alright, so, the first thing that came to mind while reading this was how i like the "reluctant champion" aspect of luke you built. we're not strangers to silent champions, of course, but the idea of someone being so particular about their likes and dislikes on the role is appealing. my tiny baby brain took a while to realize the "champion" is actually a group and not a single entity, but once it clicked for me, the concept became even more interesting.
the mystery is all too abstract at this point (coughcoughwhere'dyougetthiscutcoughcough) but that's the fun of it, i'm sure there's much more to come. luke himself lends a lot to that mystery, considering his personality and the way his mind works even with simple stuff like receiving a gift.
i'd say the technical flow of the writing, as well as the odd spelling error here and there, are the downsides of this chapter but i see you've addressed them yourself already, so that's redundant of me to say.
all in all, very interesting read which piqued my curiosity.
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Post by Cavespider_17 on Sept 27, 2020 22:14:54 GMT
This is a review of Chapter 3 for Book club
Firstly, I think this chapter deals with the dynamic between Luke and Serena very well in the sense that you can see tension is mounting between them – as the chapter goes on. Well initially it was a bit strange to see them arguing, it becomes clear as to why later. They seem to have clashing personalities, which must obviously contribute to how things are going to end up. It feels as if they do not trust each other at this point.
I find the chapter grammatically okay, I think in places a bit of a reword could help. For example “I shook my head, maybe now I can convince him.” Whatever reason, the sentence just does not seem to sit right, in my opinion. It feels like there’s something missing between the two sections. I also Think certain sentences would benefit from an additional comma. Such as ‘he said as a smile crept across his face.’
In regards to the plot, I don’t think it progresses excessively in this chapter, because, I feel as if this chapter is more focused character wise than plot wise. However, you can see the underlying threads of the plot filtering in. In particular the uncertainty between the characters, and how this motivates them to the point at the end when they are angry at each other. The fact that they are having this meeting now regarding everything seems to be the next step forward for sure, and the recording stuff that they found hopefully will lead in to the plot more.
Overall, seems like a well written chapter. I guess we’ll see what happens next.
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Post by Cavespider_17 on Oct 10, 2020 22:48:44 GMT
This is a review of Chapter 4 for Book club
Overall, I find this chapter has somewhat of a more action based pricing compared to the previous one. The way that Jonathan and Quin seem to be in sync with each other particularly in the earlier half of the chapter, is somewhat understanding – given their known personalities.
A few things that I’ve noticed in this particular chapter is the fact that you tend to end your speeches in full stops rather than commas. From my recollection, if it is attached to the speech – I said/he replied – it should end in a comma. Furthermore, one other thing I did notice is you stated that “However, giving that even Luke” I think it should be given, rather than giving. This is because the fact that it is past tense. He has given the indication he is worried or has been worried. And it doesn’t quite sound right with the world giving. I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it should be given.
Lastly, in regards to how the chapter ends, the fact that it pours back to Luke and his concerns seems pretty relevant. It’s mentioned earlier on, it’s mentioned at the end – and throughout the story so far he has been the calmest of the group for sure. Alteration one state to another is a loud indicated that the plot has started to move. The fact that the main character is listening in, and is not getting dragged into anything too outrageous, or troublesome, further indicates the positioning within the group. I don’t feel as if they are the main leader at the moment, they feel like they are the one who will keep everything together – and I get this due to the fact that they are not interfering with the group’s current feelings.
Overall, this chapter feels very solid, I think the one thing you need to go back through is your speech – but other than that I think the evolution of the characters has come out very well in this particular chapter.
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Post by Cavespider_17 on Oct 18, 2020 20:53:50 GMT
This is a Review for the Long Form Review (Updating) In this review I will recompile my reviews for your Chapters 1-4, as well as add new content for Chapters 5-12
{Chapter 1}
Okay so looking at chapter 1, we have a plot seems okay. There are quite a few questions I have regarding why there is such a large amount of animosity towards the characters at the beginning. And I don’t think it’s explained why the boy was attacked. It just seems as if there is some information missing. Hopefully these things will be explained at a later point in the story. I get the wild Pokémon attacking him, But he speaks to them as if they can speak back. Is that the case? Or is it a one-way relationship? Why do they listen to him?
I think the rest of the chapters perspective, and main character is quite an interesting concept. The feeling of being crushed by somebody else, it must really dig deep knowing that once you were best – To know you are A nobody again. No one remembers the Ex-winner In comparison to the current. Or at least that’s what I found from experience. The personalities of the characters at the moment seem to be pretty basic, but that's probably a good thing, since you don't particularly want to end up overcrowding with too much information on these characters at this point, particularly since the main character in question seems to be going down a large section of thought process and dealing with the situation at hand. Losing that to other characters would probably not help, so I think you get the balance right here.
Grammatically, there is one thing that’s bugging me. And it’s to do with your speech. I only know this because Minty explained this, But you are ending a lot of your speeches which should end in a, with.. And example of this is: `“..., I still won overall.” he said` However, the rest of it seems fine, the consistency in pace and general structure is there. The pace isn't too fast, nor slow, and it seems to reflect the character in question's mood, which is well thought out and does help paint the image of the chapter itself. So I think if you were to check for these little mistakes here and there once more you'd find them and be easily able to fix them.
{Chapter 2}So firstly I’d like to say, I think that the description throughout the chapter is really nicely painted. I really enjoy how the wordplay and ponds, and adapted use of language fits the Pokémon world. I think the relationship between the characters hasn’t altered very much as of yet, however I know this is only the second chapter – so there will probably be more alterations later on. I’m not too sure why they are pushing a feeling it’s in the back her mind, because it’s guilt so guilt doesn’t tend to easily be pushed back. I think it be nice if you added a bit more description Or some kind of link back to why how easily this is done.
In regards to Gray as a character, I see that he could have a lot of growth in the long run. Although I’m not too sure about his personal connection to the main character. And that something I have had a general feeling throughout the chat that is the central character feels like they are just there. And the focus is on the characters surrounding them. While the main character is feeling skilled et cetera there is no sort of snap to that. Maybe put a little bit more emphasis on that, or what they are doing, rather than those around the,m.
One minor thing I noticed, is in a few places you have a. Instead of a, or during speech. For example “I already blame myself for a lot, I’d probably kill myself if any of you died because he got involved in this mess,” rather than mess.”
{Chapter 3}Firstly, I think this chapter deals with the dynamic between Luke and Serena very well in the sense that you can see tension is mounting between them – as the chapter goes on. Well initially it was a bit strange to see them arguing, it becomes clear as to why later. They seem to have clashing personalities, which must obviously contribute to how things are going to end up. It feels as if they do not trust each other at this point.
I find the chapter grammatically okay, I think in places a bit of a reword could help. For example “I shook my head, maybe now I can convince him.” Whatever reason, the sentence just does not seem to sit right, in my opinion. It feels like there’s something missing between the two sections. I also Think certain sentences would benefit from an additional comma. Such as ‘he said as a smile crept across his face.’
In regards to the plot, I don’t think it progresses excessively in this chapter, because, I feel as if this chapter is more focused character wise than plot wise. However, you can see the underlying threads of the plot filtering in. In particular the uncertainty between the characters, and how this motivates them to the point at the end when they are angry at each other. The fact that they are having this meeting now regarding everything seems to be the next step forward for sure, and the recording stuff that they found hopefully will lead in to the plot more.
{Chapter 4}
Overall, I find this chapter has somewhat of a more action based pricing compared to the previous one. The way that Jonathan and Quin seem to be in sync with each other particularly in the earlier half of the chapter, is somewhat understanding – given their known personalities.
A few things that I’ve noticed in this particular chapter is the fact that you tend to end your speeches in full stops rather than commas. From my recollection, if it is attached to the speech – I said/he replied – it should end in a comma. Furthermore, one other thing I did notice is you stated that “However, giving that even Luke” I think it should be given, rather than giving. This is because the fact that it is past tense. He has given the indication he is worried or has been worried. And it doesn’t quite sound right with the world giving. I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it should be given.
Lastly, in regards to how the chapter ends, the fact that it pours back to Luke and his concerns seems pretty relevant. It’s mentioned earlier on, it’s mentioned at the end – and throughout the story so far he has been the calmest of the group for sure. Alteration one state to another is a loud indicated that the plot has started to move. The fact that the main character is listening in, and is not getting dragged into anything too outrageous, or troublesome, further indicates the positioning within the group. I don’t feel as if they are the main leader at the moment, they feel like they are the one who will keep everything together – and I get this due to the fact that they are not interfering with the group’s current feelings.
{Chapter 5}Firstly, I think it’s interesting that you start the chapter with a kind of flashback. Considering a lot of the other chapters have had a bit more of a dimmer perspective on things to start with. I guess here we also find out a little bit more about Lukes personality. But that he is able to take a hit, and face everything around and still is interesting.
But the more, I think that you using brackets to symbolise either psychic thoughts or regular thought is quite unique and is very helpful. It helps in the sense it separates it very clearly from the rest of the text. – Although as I implied I am not sure if this is a thought or psychic thoughts.
Similarly to the previous chapter though, you are missing some, is attached to the speech. Although it’s definitely not as common in this chapter. Another thing here is you lowercase when you should capitalise. For example – gesturing to Jonathan and the others. Gesturing it should be capitalised I think.
Overall, this chapter adds some new information about Luke which wasn’t previously there, and puts a different light on the two scenarios before, and after.
{Chapter 6}Snap back to reality here. What are the main characters of the chapter is using their psychic abilities to check everything around them is an interesting concept. what surprises me that they are just observing him from a distance – considering the events of the previous chapter, and everything he’s been thinking about, it would be interesting to see them approach him and ask him about what happened and why he is feeling that way. The way that they are assessing his parents Pokémon, and comparing it to his situation now feels a bit strange at this point – given the fact that they haven’t approached him yet.
Further down the chapter, about the midway point for use the phrase knock it out you two - I don’t know if you mean to say knock it off instead. On the other hand, I think the way that you have the character and their speech illustrate their own uncertainty is definitely very interesting for sure. The more of the chapter I read, the more I feel as if the extrovertive characters and the introverted characters are very very separate. Particularly when you’re talking about how they are socialising.
Lastly, I think the way Vence and Luke are coordinating in their battle is a nice touch. They use their strengths to their advantage. I wonder what is next for this group.
{Chapter 7}
The thing I noticed about this chapter is more a nitpick, but you have got some uneven spacing between your chapters. How it looks at the moment, it looks like it’s a format mistake.
Moving onto the more plot based points of the chapter, I think it’s slightly more progressive than the previous chapters. It feels as if the plot is moving on – the previous chapter felt more as if it was introducing more content and personality – with the exception of the fight at the end. You get to the elements of the world turning it back on the car and the concept of is not a new one, but it’s definitely an interesting one to include. The element and the concept of religion, ideals and beliefs I think you portray in this chapter is unusual.
Gramatically, I found this chapter to be much cleaner than the previous two. I didn’t spot that many mistakes. I think there is only one or two attached the speech that need a little bit of a change or an update, but other than that it’s very well constructed. Furthermore, the pacing in this chapter is very consistent. There is no sudden changes, or flips between past, present. And the focus is consistent throughout.
{Chapter 8}Firstly, I’d like to say I appreciate seeing onix in this chapter. it’s a great Pokemon. The way it attacks the EV at the start of the chapter is definitely something I’d like to see. I like both Pokemon, so watching them battle would be epic. Furthermore, I like how you implement the restrictions of the battle league, and the laws by implying there should be an inhibitor activated – I wondered for awhile why are you they wouldn’t have it, but it’s obvious that this is an aggressive attack.
Gramatically, the chapter is okay. I think you do make a few mistakes in this chapter once again, with speech. Another thing I noticed is you put Me and Quin, But grammatically it should be Quin and I. On those few things, it reads fine.
Plot was, I think that the chapter 10 is darker comment is far more aggressive than it was previously. The fact that they go to kill is definitely a sign that things are starting to get worse for the car. Somewhat ironic that it is a Gengar of that is involved, however they are known for being troublesome, at least according to the law so it’s not too unusual or unexpected.
Overall, I think this chapter contributes significantly to the storyline. The fact that these characters are resorting to violence compare to trying to capture some of these creatures definitely puts i.e. unusual and dark or light on things. I hope to find out what happens in the next chapter.
{Chapter 9}I really enjoyed this chapter. I think it’s a far calmer chapter. We get to see a new aspect of Ruby. Also we find out more about the characters and their emotional history. The fact that they rely on each other here, and imply that they have done it previously, shows how much of a tight bond they have with one another. It will be interesting to see the two fight together at some point.
The most important part about this chapter, in my opinion, is the end. The fact that the character is willing to die for Ruby further illustrates the bond. It also tells us more about them. They are very loyal individual. This might end up working against them later on, or at least I expected to. If anything was to happen to Ruby, then what would they do? Would they seek counsel come up with a lash out?
The passing of this chapter is slower than the previous one. It’s nice. It gives a much needed break from the action of the previous chapter for sure. I think the switch from physical action, to national action definitely contribute to keeping the chapter fresh. In addition to this, It is well constructed. There is no rapid variation between points of view, or plot points – it’s very one stream.
All in all, I found this chapter to be the best one so far.
{Chapter 10}
This chapter is different in the sense that it reverts back to the state of tension that was previously there. The level of preparation that they are going through in this chapter, all their planning, their wisdom Will soon be tested. I think in addition to their preparation, they are going to have to do some practice matches. The previous practice match gave a overview of what they are like for sure, but to see it in actual practice against a stronger trainer will have a lasting impact on the view of that character.
In addition to this, I think the two hand paper over to somebody with notes on is unusual. Is that something I do notice to all of the chapters is there is an unusual twist on things, which adds an element of touch ability to the chapters. However, I think it’s strange that they do not use a psychic ability to pass on the message.
Grammatically, I think this chapter is definitely a clean chapter. There aren’t that many hours the tone – even the speech grammar seems better in this chapter. And the sentences are clear, the punctuation is well-placed, and it works. In regard to the chapters pricing, it’s once again consistent – this is something that you do very well. You keep it so that it doesn’t jump around.
To conclude, I think this chapter is very good at setting things up for what is to come. While it’s not as emotionally enlightening in comparison to previous chapters, it’s definitely going to contribute later.
{Chapter 11}
The opening of this chapter is effective. It leads you to wonder why he is still having these nightmares. His reaction says it all. Aggression, self defence, fear. It makes you wonder if there is something in particular that has left them to be that way. The fact that they still struggle to relax afterwards says it all. Therefore find out why this is at a later date?
I like how are you add to their relationship further, when they are discussing the difference between being human compared to being a psychic. The fact that they are close, Ruby and Luke, definitely makes the reader empathise with them once again. I am surprised that she is actively trying to help him sleep though, seeing as it is something he has considerable difficulty with.
I feel like the time jumped to the later section of the chapter isn’t 100% smooth, I think there should be something between the two – it feels a bit strange considering he has all of this trouble in the early part of the job and it’s on the snaps to the morning where they are getting food from the fridge. It would be nice to see him work through the sleeping difficulties and try to fall back to sleep back to the morning.
Lastly, I’d like to talk about how the end of chapter, debating the trust of each other. Now while Luke and Ruby seems like there’s a lot of the other characters seem to be suppressing tension, anxiety towards each other particularly in this last half. If feels like it’s a trial almost at the end. Or at least it’s sort of a group trial where they are discussing and judging another. And I can see this potentially being disruptive to the group in the end.
{Chapter 12}
I was expecting a different approach to the start of this chapter. The fact that you woke me up straight with a fight is reminiscent of previous chapters, however this time it seems more physical than monster related.The fact that the characters are pointing fingers and being very suspicious of each other is definitely cause for concern for them. The lack of trust they have is now more relevant and more evident than ever.
Regardless of whether they are practising fight come over truly going for each other, it feels suspicious. The level of accusations being pointed towards each other and the suspicion for example asking why someone has turned up implies that there is a problem.
Then there is a change I think the change in tension, to the point of them going to get coffee is certain, but it’s important to break any unnecessary violence or concerns between characters up. I Like Gray as a character. He seems to have an element of charisma within him that is drawing.
To conclude this chapter, There is An element of suspicion, and coldness in this chapter which the other ones don’t have. The characters are obviously in for some difficulties. They seem to be likely to turn on each other, if things don’t go to plan. Maybe one pushed too far will turn them against each other. |
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