|
|
Post by juneedes on Mar 8, 2020 14:34:13 GMT
i. The knowledge of Blue thinking of them as part of "home", too, warms Red's heart more than his drink.
{(notes)} A little something I thought up after assigning their starters because it fits, too, and it evolved into something kinda feelsy on the way. Nevertheless, I'm happy with this and I hope you'll find it heartwarming as well.  Title inspired, and also doubling as bgm, by Steve Aoki's and Walk Off The Earth's "Home We'll Go"
i. Red and Blue
"Red?"
Red looks up from his drink, and comes eye to eye with eyes the same shade as the liquid he was just swirling around. He looks the same--same eyes, same spikes, same old, same old...
"Blue."
Blue's face splits in a grin when his suspicions were confirmed. He joins Red and orders the same as his friend.
"Heh, fancy seeing you here. There are no mountains 'round here, you know."
Because Red is usually making his trails all over the mountains of northwest Kanto instead of mingling with people.
"And I thought you're stuck in Viridian..?"
"Just because I'm a Gym Leader now doesn't mean I'm stuck in my own city," Blue snorts, accepting his drink from the smiling waitress with a thanks and having some. "I wanted to fly a bit, and Lt. Surge always offered his plane, so."
Red nods in acceptance. The lieutenant shares the same interest in flying as his childhood friend, after all, and the two gym leaders struck up an unlikely friendship over time.
"So, back to my question: why're you here?"
"Leaf's coming home."
Blue chokes on his drink and Red quickly attempts to help him breathe again.
"She is?!" Blue sputters, a look of betrayal clear on his face. After all the things the three of them went through to repair their fractured friendship and she leaves one of them out of the loop? "Now?! How would you know?!"
"Didn't she send you a text?" Red asks, surprised at his reaction.
He doesn't wait for Blue's answer and digs through his bag--the same old yellow backpack--and produces his PokeGear, selecting Leaf's message.
Blue grabs it from Red's hands and reads, his frown melting away into exasperation.
"We both know he'll be pissed, so don't tell Blue," he reads aloud. "We'll just crash at his beloved gym without telling so he can't say no. Wow, she'll really send me a text if she were planning this." The sarcasm is heavy there. Red sheepishly looks away and from there, it's obvious that Red missed the point of "don't tell Blue".
Maybe Red could get away with acting innocent. Leaf certainly can.
"As if I could ever say no to either of you these days," Blue grumbles, running a hand through his spiky hair.
Red snickers. Damn right, he can't.
"You miss us," Red states. A fact.
"It's been a while," Blue admits. "Especially Leaf, since she's been away for a year on that stupid ship but at least she messages. Don't get me started on you."
Red scoffs. He does drop by once in a while but apparently that isn't enough for stupid Blue.
"It's about time for you two to come back home--"
He cuts himself off, blushing. He admitted too much. Red grins widely at Blue's admittance.
"Home, huh?" Red muses.
He never considered home to be so... permanent, but it's nice, now that he thinks about it, to have somewhere to actually go back to; to go home to. He and Leaf already had a heart-to-heart about this before, back when Blue kept avoiding them at all costs. The two of them agreed that the three of them--Red and Blue and Leaf--are as home as any, no matter where they might be, no matter their broken relationship then. They'll figure it out.
And they did figure it out.
Now the knowledge of Blue thinking of them as part of "home", too, warms Red's heart more than his drink.
"You two need a place to stay," Blue attempts to rectify his statement.
"Uh-huh."
"And it just so happens that I'm the one who settled down a bit," Blue grumbles, but nothing he can do about it, anyway. He needed some stability in his life and he found it in Viridian while the other two were more at home on the road. "While you went off to the mountains," he accuses Red, smirking.
Oh, they know where this one's gonna go. Red has some kind of sore spot at being called out on his sudden retreat to the mountains (and leaving and disappearing, in general), and Blue never really grew out of pushing his buttons. It's a good thing that their friendship's long since repaired, and they can do this without too hard feelings.
"Leaf went to the sea," Red growls, a little ticked that Blue is accusing him of leaving when he's not the only one to do so among the three of them. Never mind that--Blue shouldn't be picking on them for that. Plus, Red never grew out of picking fights with Blue, either. He's so ready to throw down with Blue like the old days. People and public places be damned; even the security's openly staring at them now, a tense warning in his eyes, instead of just glancing--
"And Blue occasionally takes to the sky when he misses us too much."
The two men immediately stop their bickering to turn to a woman who laughs at their matching expressions of surprise. Her smile reaches her familiar blue eyes which twinkle prettily like the waters she sailed off to, and the two would very much love to drown in them.
"Hello Red, Blue," she greets them and squeaks when the two waste no time in pulling her into their arms.
"Welcome home."
|
|
|
|
Post by juneedes on Mar 8, 2020 14:42:25 GMT
ii. She’s just about ready to just bring out her Blastoise and surf the rest of the way to shore.
{(notes)}
A 5+1 thing written for Leaf's return to the living in Smash Bros Ultimate!
You can see a reference to that, merged with a little Pokemon Yellow somewhere in here, as well as a nod to her appearances in the Colosseum games.
ii. Leaf
1.
Leaf stares and stares and stares at her PokeGear, the metaphorical gears in her mind swirling about, as well. To call, or not to—
Leaf almost drops her PokeGear at the sudden, obnoxious ringing! Maybe she should change her ringtone for him sometime...
Accept
"Leaf!" Blue scolds from the other side. "Where are you?! What's wrong with you? Why aren't you calling?!!"
"Blue, calm down! Why? I, uh, I'm in the middle of nowhere but nothing's wro--"
"Ugh! Why must you follow in Red's footsteps and go "in the middle of nowhere", and say you're fine?!"
Leaf rolls her eyes at the mocking tone. "Because I am. You make me wonder how exactly you survived the wilds of Kanto on our journey, Blue. In the middle of nowhere has its perks."
"Yeah, yeah. You two left long enough to get that across, and you're doing it again."
"That was different!" Leaf groaned. Somewhere along the line, Blue forgot a little and thought they did just that: leave for no reason. In reality, they all agreed beforehand that they all needed some space from each other after everything that happened at the League, and so on. And Leaf knows that Blue knows; that frustrated groan mirroring hers is all she needs to hear to confirm it.
"Fine, I know! It was a trying time, I wasn't thinking," Blue sighed. "But... I mean it, okay, I really don't want to go through that again."
Because it was the most depressing time in their lives and even thinking of it is quite the pain. Leaving and being apart for overly long periods of time can be a little difficult for them, now, especially with no contact at all (Leaf and Blue blame Red for that kind of worry). Red going on long-ish mountain trips was pushing it while she was still in Kanto, and now that she's travelling again, too...
Daisy's words about Blue actually being lonely rang in Leaf's head in proper Oak fashion, and felt an ache she hadn't felt for years since the three of them got back together.
"I'll call," Leaf promises. "We kinda did this before, didn't we? And you have to admit it was much worse back then."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Leaf."
"Whatever, Blue, smell ya later."
She hears him start an indignant reply for her sass and usage of the embarrassing catchphrase from their childhood, but drops the call before he could go screech at her to shut up! and she snickers to herself for what she's done which is sure to irritate him to no end. Small victories.
2.
"I don't suppose you're here to take back your throne?" Rui asks, now holding Leaf at arm's length to inspect her after a big hug.
"Nope!" Leaf laughs. She's definitely done with the Mt. Battle challenge, like Red is done on Mt. Silver. "I'm back to travelling."
Rui scoffs. "As if you ever stopped."
"Sure I did! I have people waiting on me, too. Like you do for Wes," Leaf adds, teasing with a wide smile splitting her face that's all for gossip. Predictably, Rui's face reddens at where the conversation is headed.
"Wh-wh-w-Wes?!" Rui squeaks. "No! Yes! I mean, he's travelling around, but noooo, no, I'm definitely not waiting for him!"
Leaf giggled at the flustered response. Oh, she can definitely spot that denial there after being friends with someone even worse with denial, like Blue.
"Well, he does go back to you in the end, right?"
That question quiets Rui and Leaf smiles softly as the girl allows a fond smile for her savior.
"He does," Rui finally admits, "and... It's always nice to have him back. It's nice to see him again."
Leaf assures Rui that Wes must feel the same, coming home. Even if she doesn't really know if they were waiting for her back home, Leaf did a lot of going home to them instead of waiting and always feels happy being back.
"Well, enough about going home!" Rui says after soaking in all the sappiness she could take and apparently remembering that Leaf's out on a journey, not going home. "Where are you off to this time?"
Re-energized, Leaf replies with a grin.
"Everywhere!"
3.
A few months later, Leaf starts getting bored and realizes it's partly her fault for starting battles with her usual team and, of course, her beloved Blastoise.
"You're too strong!" she complains to the Pokemon one day as she rearranges her party to use. Her Blastoise only huffs proudly. He knows his strength perfectly well. "Mmhh, what to do... A handicap?"
And maybe she's a little crazy but she turns to her trusted starter and says, "Why don't you make our team."
She gets water-gunned for suggesting it, but Blastoise relents and follows his trainer's wishes, however crazy it is. They roughly communicate with Leaf excitedly scanning the entries through her completed PokeDex and Blastoise nudging at her to stop at his choice, and she soon has her new team.
She ends up having only four Pokemon on her party, with three main fighters and her Blastoise as back-up should things go south.
"You miss them, too, huh," Leaf muses as she withdraws the suggested party members: the mischievous Squirtle from Vermillion who stole an Everstone from her and kept it ever since, the sickly Ivysaur from Celadon that she was training for a while, and the thought-to-be-weak Charizard from a stranger which she raised to its full potential. It's a line-up that corresponds to her and Red and Blue, and she smiles at the reminder.
Her Blastoise grunts in agreement and blows gently at her, the same sign of affection the Kanto starters share.
4.
Leaf meets an unlikely person on the shores of Sinnoh, and on reflection, she thinks it isn't too far-fetched an idea at all. It only strengthens her association of Jasmine to lovely beaches and lighthouses, though.
"Hi, Leader Jasmine!" Leaf greets cheerily.
"Oh, if it isn't Champion Leaf!" Jasmine replies, smiling beautifully. "What are you doing here?"
"Ex-Champion," Leaf corrects her. "I'm on a trip with S.S. Anne."
"Its world cruise, yes? That's wonderful!"
“Mm-hm. How about you? I didn't expect to see you in Sinnoh."
"I joined a contest a while ago," the gym leader explains. "And now that it's done, I visit Sunyshore because it reminds me of home... Don't you think so?"
At the mention of home, Leaf immediately thinks of Pallet, even if it doesn’t have a lighthouse, and its beach much smaller compared to here, or Olivine City, which Jasmine must be thinking of.
Or maybe she's talking about that tug in her heart that's calling her back to those very shores, and into the comfort of familiarity that is home. So Leaf says yes, she agrees, and smiles lightly at the thought of answering that call soon, soon, soon...
5.
While she already contacted Red a few times throughout her trip, those calls are quite rare, considering they're both in the middle of nowhere more often than not...
So it's always a pleasant surprise to receive a call from him.
"I miss you," he tells her after a while, so much like how she said the same words to him the first time she found and visited him on some mountain. "I'm sure Blue does, too, so--" he adds hastily, before there's someone screeching "I do not!" and the sounds of a scuffle reach her ears.
She laughs away with Red at Blue's expense and cheers Red over the phone as he runs away from the furious Blue.
"You heard him," Red tells her a little later, a little breathless, and Leaf could almost see him roll his eyes in exasperation before continuing his previous statement. "So come home in a bit, okay?"
Even though they know "in a bit" is still a few more months away, instead of some unknown like his time waiting for a good challenger on Mt. Silver, but that's a small comfort they both take.
***
+1
She's seen a lot of sunsets from her travels, she realizes after that encounter with Jasmine and now that she's near Vermillion, but decides that nothing's better than one seen from the shores of a familiar land. So now, she very much agrees with Vermillion City being the "Port of Exquisite Sunsets". She rereads the text she received from Red earlier, and can’t stop from grinning widely again when she reads, “Okay, Leaf, I’ll be waiting. See you in Vermillion!”
She also can’t stop waiting for the ship to arrive already. She’s just about ready to just bring out her Blastoise and surf the rest of the way to shore, to home, but refrains from doing so. She’s friends with the people on board and it isn't nice to just go without saying goodbye.
That’s why she’s making her rounds already, to keep herself busy, and meeting the people she’s sailed with for the past year.
And that's why she forgot to ask more details for her meet-up with Red.
Leaf groans when she's back in Kantonian soil (after the old captain finally shoos her away before everyone on board gets sentimental and refuses to let you go, for a few days at the most, but that will delay Anne's next world cruise enough, so no, go home already, young lady, we'll see each other another time without disrupting this old girl's sailin') and remembers that they somehow forgot to exchange details for the meet-up. She sent a quick text from her PokeGear but he never replies, so she spent some time wandering around the harbor before she finally sees him and Blue in some café, about to throw down like the good old days. Blue must have discovered their ruse. Too bad, she didn’t see his reaction to the news, and only caught them about to start a friendly round.
She hurries in to break them apart, like the good old peacekeeper she is, before they could cause trouble to the other patrons.
“…you went off the mountains,” she catches Blue accusing Red, and she laughs at where this one’s gonna go. Red has some kind of sore spot at being called out on his sudden retreat to the mountains (and leaving and disappearing, in general), and Blue never really grew out of pushing his buttons.
“Leaf went to the sea,” Red growls, a little ticked that Blue is accusing him of leaving when he’s not the only one to do so among the three of them. Well… that rebuttal made Leaf see a little… red. So what if she went to sea? Never mind that, they shouldn’t be picking on each other for that, anyway! But, if only to complete the cycle…
“And Blue occasionally takes to the sky when he misses us too much,” she cuts in. She knew of Blue’s little hobby when she called him while he’s flying. He sounded a little agitated, too, and when she called Red right after that call, she found that Red had just left for another trip again. When Leaf connected the dots that, that was her only conclusion, and she’s sure she hit the mark.
The two immediately stop their bickering to turn to her, and she laughs at them for having matching expressions of surprise.
“Hello, Red, Blue,” she greets them and squeaks when the two waste no time in pulling her into their arms. When she recovers from the surprise, she hugs them back with as much enthusiasm and the salty scent of the ocean is washed away as she breathes in the scent of home.
“I’m home.”
|
|
|
|
Post by juneedes on Mar 8, 2020 14:48:39 GMT
iii. He missed them, he's happy, and they're together again.
{(notes)}
The first was mainly on Red's thoughts, with lots of dialogue with Blue. Then there's Leaf, to connect. And to come full circle, we'll have Blue for the somewhat epilogue, with lots of dialogue with Red.
And with that, this three-shot comes to a close. Thanks for reading!
iii. Blue and Red
Blue finds himself stuck between his bedroom wall and a sleeping Leaf hugging him like there's no tomorrow, just as he remembered her doing when they were children sleeping over at each others' houses. He's also still running his fingers through her hair, still as soft as he remembered, which she allows and which he does when he couldn't sleep so he isn't any better than her in the growing out of their old habits thing, particularly the sleeping habits kind. Of course, behind her is Red, wrapped like a big spoon around her in turn... And is it just Blue, or is Red a little bulkier now?! He's maybe blocking Blue's view of his room a little and he's looking a little imposing, too!
"Can't sleep?"
Blue jolts in surprise at the sudden noise, when all he was hearing for the past hour was steady breathing and general silence. He glares at Red, who now regards him with a yawn and a questioning look.
"Is Leaf bothering you?"
"Huuh?"
"She's clingy in her sleep," Red explains like it isn't so obvious.
"It's fine," Blue replies. "She's tired out. I don't want to wake her." Leaf is a light sleeper, too, and he knows that she needs the rest after the long day of travel and reunions.
"You won't. I won't, either. So, should I get her off you?" Red presses, unconvinced.
"...nah. Really, it's fine. We don't do this often, anyway. It's nice."
A lopsided grin makes its way to Red's face. Ah.
"You wanna cuddle," Red states. A fact. One that makes Blue flush in embarrassment.
"S-so what! It's all your fault." Yep, definitely Red's fault. Red demanded cuddles (demanded! Like he's touch starved. (He is.)) every time he visits Mt. Silver and he grew to like it. And it was so convenient that the mountaintop was cold, Blue couldn't say no to cuddling for warmth, and, of course, Red is a great cuddler, it's unfair. Blue was completely won over.
"I've no complaints."
"Of course you don't."
"..."
"..."
"Can't sleep?"
"...you asked that already."
"You didn't answer."
"Fine, Red, I can't sleep," Blue huffs.
"'Kay..."
"..."
"..."
"Stop staring at me!" Blue hisses. "Why are you awake!"
"I'm gonna keep you company until you fall asleep," Red says casually. He has the weirdest sleeping pattern among them, being another light sleeper like Leaf but always falling back to sleep whenever he wants to.
It takes a little more glaring before Blue caves and starts talking. Better talking than continue staring awkwardly at each other until Blue falls asleep, as Red promised.
"I'm a little overwhelmed, okay?" Blue admits. "And I'm the one bad with feelings between the three of us, I know, I need to process this."
"Mmh, that so?" Red hums, pleased that Blue starts talking about his problem. Not that he could help much since Red and Blue don't talk feelings with each other, but maybe he understands this one "problem", since it's something that involves the three of them, again, and he went through enough with them to understand. "What else is there to feel than "I missed you" and "I'm happy" and "we're together again"?"
Blue could only stare in disbelief as Red spells it out for him but he can't help but feel that it's too simple, too much of an understatement. Blue barely held in his laugh, one that was going to be out of nerves and disbelief, at the underwhelming revelation.
"Is-Is that how you're feeling?!" he snickers. "It's- that sounds too simple!"
"What else am I supposed to feel, you complicated idiot."
"It's exactly how I feel, you simpleminded idiot, it just feels..."
"So much, your heart's gonna burst?" Red guesses, grinning.
"Like you're not giving my feelings any justice!" Well, what Red said was true, too.
"Hrmmnngh, why're you doinnngg..."
The two freeze as they feel Leaf stirring between them with a large groan, as was normal of her. They nervously stay still as she does some squinting and more grumbling before she eventually wills herself back to sleep.
"Go to sleep, Blue," Red chuckles. Yep, Leaf almost waking up was their cue to shut up, go to sleep. "You'll understand in the morning." Right. Real helpful, that kind of advice.
But Blue doesn't complain when Red playfully ruffles his spikes with a bit of finality and even extending his big spoon duties so he could drape an arm around Blue. Then Red promptly goes back to sleep like the weirdo he is, like he's never awake in the first place. So much for keeping Blue company.
Well, he thinks he understands now, even. His heart feels better, at ease, still a little close to bursting but that's okay, he knows what's up with that. And it's a plus that Blue's definitely up for sleep now, too.
Red's right, he missed them, he's happy, and they're together again.
{notes} As for other things, Blue has trouble sleeping but when he does sleep, he sleeps. He's the heavy sleeper, who falls asleep later than the other two, and just as well, since he snores. Again, thanks for coming this far! Hope you enjoyed. |
|
|
|
Post by Dramatic Melody on Mar 12, 2020 7:08:49 GMT
Damn these are good. Like, they're very simple and there's not a lot that happens in them, but I think that adds so much to their charm. There's something about the way they're written that makes them so hard to put down when you've started reading them.
And a lot of that has to do with how you handled each character. Sure, all three of them arrive to the same conclusion in each of their respective one-shots, but you show a lot of personality in the road to those conclusions. Especially Blue, and I guess this isn't surprising, who has so much personality even if he doesn't dominate the conversation as much as he usually does. Their dynamic is just so enjoyable to read!
So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this. Great job with it!
|
|
|
|
Post by juneedes on Mar 18, 2020 4:47:19 GMT
Dramatic Melody: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed. I like fleshing them out, yes, and I'm glad you liked how they turned out. Those definitely gave out interesting dynamics that gave me something to write about. In addition to that, I... have a tendency to think of their main storyline to be somewhat angsty so this was an opportunity to write something happier, more relaxing, and a tad nostalgic for them. Just, something soft and wistful, a little something to show they're ready and starting to settle down some after journeying for so long.
|
|
girl-like-substance
the seal will bite you if you give him half a chance
Posts: 527
Pronouns: xe/xem
|
Post by girl-like-substance on Mar 18, 2020 22:55:53 GMT
This is exceptionally sweet! I only meant to read one chapter, but I swallowed all three in one go during my break today, which is honestly a review in itself, haha. :>
I think I particularly enjoyed it having read ‘Champions of Old’ first; it provides some interesting context for why it’s taken these three so long to find their way towards the normal they’re starting to reach for here. To be exceptional – especially to be the sort of exceptional that they were as kids – is quite a burden; there are glimpses of it here in the fact that Leaf can’t get a good fight, for instance, because she and her pokémon are just too good.
But mostly, this fic shies away from the skill and talent that these people have and leaves the difficulty that that brought them implied, rather than outright stated. It focuses instead on how they’re finally starting to move on from being defined by it themselves. They’re settling into a kind of normalcy, long overdue, that you sense they’ve needed for a long time and never been able to find. Like, running off to the mountains, obsessively travelling the world, leaning into your volatility to avoid dealing with your emotions – these are not the actions of well-adjusted people. From their spats and desperate need for intimacy, it’s clear all three are still suffering the effects of missing out on crucial parts of like, normal childhood growth – and they’re just starting to correct it, to grow into the people they might have been if their skills had taken them elsewhere in life.
All in all, it’s short and sweet and I had a great time reading it, and honestly there’s not much more I could ask for!
|
|
Dtmahanen
Witnessing (and participating in) shenanigans
Posts: 123 
|
Post by Dtmahanen on Mar 24, 2020 21:00:10 GMT
Okay, so this is absolutely adorable. There's a very clear camaraderie and long-standing friendship between these three, and honestly, considering how most people depict the relationship between Red and Blue, it's super refreshing. And what I really like is that even though they're all sort of aligned when it comes to their desires, I still see their personalities shine through: Blue as abrasive and sarcastic, Red as just that little bit distant and aloof, and Leaf is bubbly and cheerful for the most part.
And I do say for the most part because you establish a very clear history here. These kids have seen some stuff, and you definitely don't shy away from that. And yet another thing that I really like about this is that you establish that the way some of them handled their baggage was not totally healthy, and didn't leave them any room to really come to grips with it and grow. It's why it's more alright for them to have those more childish tendencies and habits.
Also, platonic (I think?) snuggling. That is a win.
This was definitely a very pleasant read, and as one of your first pieces on the site, it's a sight for sore eyes. I look forward to anything else you'll put on here!
|
|
|
|
Post by admin on Mar 28, 2020 23:08:14 GMT
I always love it when you have characters who are so perfectly balanced it comes up via metaphors. :')
That said, I have to echo everyone else here. I love Leaf, Red, and Blue fics because they often tackle how close these three are, and this fic does an amazing job at tackling them. Like, that entire scene where Blue's lying down with Leaf and talking with Red about how happy he is that they're together? The parts where Leaf is wandering everywhere, only to come to that final "I'm home"? The "welcome home" after Blue drags Red off the mountain? It's one long journey home, and that last scene just feels like home—like coming home after a very long, exhausting day. And of course, the careful level of affection displayed in that last scene. girl-like-substance is right: these people need each other (lmao @ that note about Red needing affection). But also, it's like ... you can tell they know each other well, from Leaf's plan to ambush Blue, to Red's comment on Blue's sleeping patterns, to Blue's comment about just how touch-starved Red is. (P.S. I always find it interesting Blue is always portrayed as the responsible one out of all three of them. I guess it makes sense, since Red runs off to the mountains for ages, and who even knows what Leaf gets up to postgame, given that she's never acknowledged in canon.)
But! Point is, these three are just cute together. I love close platonic relationships, which is to say I love how at home these three are with each other (and how cute they are cuddling together). :')
|
|
Zorquil the Fluffy
Excuse me while I catch up and comment on all the fiction!
Posts: 35
Pronouns: Any pronoun allowed! Usually he/him or they/them.
|
Post by Zorquil the Fluffy on Mar 29, 2020 2:22:29 GMT
I'll admit that I didn't like this much since it didn't feel completely resolved to me. There's a lot of good history between them and how they were able to bind together, but I couldn't really get into the story. A lot of it was very dialogue heavy, which seeped into the description. There's a lot of telling and not showing, which works decently for the premise of your story focusing on the relationship and history, but sometimes the thoughts intermingled with the description made it hard to stay invested in the story. I do admit I'm being biased though since I'm more of a fan of description-oriented novels.
However, you do present your concept and get straight to the point. The story is structured pretty well, first showing the present day between Red and Blue awaiting Leaf's return, to Leaf's history of her wishing to return home, then everyone joining together for cuddling during the night. I feel like there could have been more interactions between Blue and Leaf since we don't know how they strike back and forth in the present day. Honestly, it doesn't feel like a fulfilling resolution since they haven't truly worked out their problems. Though the title of the story was fulfilled—they're all home now, so who knows how they'll bind together and overcome the "champion drama".
Overall, I couldn't really get immersed, but it's still a good story that shows promise.
|
|
Reading
"A new path to tread"
Posts: 5
Pronouns: He/Him
|
Post by Reading on Mar 30, 2020 0:40:55 GMT
Hey, Juneedes we meet on discord before remember? I will be reviewing your piece for the reviewing blitz.
So I have to say I love what you did here, The feeling of togetherness and longing is clear and is just adorably platonic and wholesome!
I also love how you choose Red and Blue and Leaf for your protagonists, I love these characters so big plus from me, Including Rui and Wes was also a cool inclusion.
Overall I enjoyed this is was fun and short, With is not bad thing on is on right, If anything I can say bad about it is the weird formating of the chapters I think you could combine all of them into one long one shot, I don't think the subject needs multiple chapters, That just my opinion.
Anyway Good Luck with you future endeavors.
|
|
|
|
Post by █ █ m a g i c k a █ █ on Mar 30, 2020 8:12:16 GMT
Alrighty, I'll try to make this relatively brisk. The character writing was fairly good. There was a relatively believable personal history between the three that gave roughly enough info to clue you into the dynamic, whilst also not getting bogged down in inconsequential details. Further, the incorporation of the history of the three in the way that you have allows an organic understanding of the group dynamic between Red, Blue, and Leaf.
Continuing with the characters, I'd actually like to note that the dialogue was fairly stellar. Now, I don't necessarily mean that this was filled with amazing lines and phrases - rather, I'd contend that the dialogue felt very natural. I'm a shtickler for naturalistic dialogue, y'see, so when I find it executed I can't help but have a positive impression on this front. Of course, it only helps that it was executed well, in this case.
I would also say that, this being a rather wholesome affair, I am rather satisfied with the pacing and duration of the story. There was a natural flow to the writing which, when coupled with the relatively short length of the piece, allowed the reading experience to proceed smoothly and quickly. I can't say that I at any point was struck by a particularly nasty pace breaker - and jumping off of that, I can't say I found any yucky turns of phrase or jarring grammatical errors either.
So, ultimately, I am willing to say that I had a fairly positive experience with this story. While it's potentially lacking some meat - though I believe it'd be a mistake to expand this story beyond it's current perfectly paced incarnation - over all, I think the story is about how it ought to be. I can't really think of any complaints.
I'll give it a 4.1 out of 5. I had a rather good time, and while it isn't the perfect story, it certainly is very good. I enjoyed it alot, and I hope you find this review useful in some fashion.
|
|
|
|
Post by Manchee on Apr 1, 2020 16:15:40 GMT
Aside from some off grammatical things here and there, this is really good. I love simple stories that don't need to go anywhere and are character-centric. I always say that my favorite movies are ones that are long and where nothing happens, so stories like this are great.
I like that the first part sets the scene, gives us everything laid out of what's going on, and shows exactly what this story is about. Then we get a flashback, and then we get a follow-up. It's set up nicely, and we get to see each character featured. You've got each of them characterized well, too. They remind me of animé characters, especially Rui, and I like when fics have characters like that since it brings me back to watching the tv show as a kid.
I enjoyed reading this, thank you for writing it :)
|
|
|
|
Post by juneedes on Apr 4, 2020 3:50:29 GMT
Aaahh, wow, thank you for taking the time to read and review this! I'm glad I managed to impart the things involved, such as the longing and the concept of home, which were central to the story. I see that the bond between the trio and each of their own personalities also shone through! I definitely loved fleshing them out, expanding their history and generally seeing how things would play out. And, yes, the various hints to their past and possibly their future would be nice stories to tell. Someday. As some had pointed out, yeah, I'm not really big on descriptions. I'm more on the dialogue side of things when writing a story, with a lot of thoughts and small actions threaded in between. I'd rather draw the general setting then just let the characters do their thing. Then my description suffer for it. It definitely needs some work. Then partly because of that, my works tend to be short, direct.
A little history for this work: This was meant to be a one-shot, as in, only the first chapter was posted on AO3 and marked Complete (so Home We'll Go was going to be even shorter, haha). A few months passed before the idea for the second chapter came to me and got written down and posted and marked complete, again. It's even much later before the process repeated for the third chapter as well. So on the topic of this fic's set-up and structure, it's nice to see that it played out well, even with that many timeskips; in the fic's universe and in real life, too. Again, thank you! These give me life. Enough to make a new story? Hopefully? We'll see.
|
|
