Lost Time Legacy

I think the most interesting thing about this to me is what we learn about Hikari. Like, we don’t know much yet – we have no real idea who she is or why she’s come looking for the ruins, other than a vague hint that there might be something she wants to get out of the temple; I’m not sure we even have a solid grasp on her age (although she seems pretty young, as we’re about to discuss). But you give a very strong impression of her character as this like, really naïve and optimistic person who expects to find the ruins and come back again in the space of the seven hours between the ferry rides, even though it seems like lots of people have probably come looking for these ruins and failed; who rejects a torch because it seems unreliable (for some reason) and instead tries and fails to navigate by the completely inadequate light of her manaphy; who immediately believes someone who claims to be using his Aura powers to sense what she looks like even though she’s literally holding a glowing pokémon to her chest by whose light he could probably see her face. I don’t think Riley actually is lying to her, of course, but I do think that it says a lot about Hikari that she believes him. She’s very naïve, even if she is also a competent trainer, as seems to be the case. That interesting mix of power and inexperience is something that fics about young trainers often do interesting things with, I think, and I’ll be interested to see what you plan to do with it here.

Riley is an interesting match for her. I don’t think he has too much personality in the games, from my admittedly patchy memory of Iron Island, but if Hikari is inexperienced, he seems overeager to flaunt his own experience; that boastful and rather pompous line when he first appears about how for users of Aura like himself, darkness is no obstacle sets the tone pretty well for the rest of his dialogue. Sure, he felt obliged to explain, but he could have done it in a less superior manner; that he did it the way he did speaks to his vanity, I think. Yet he’s not perfect, either. That whole thing where he decided not to bring a torch because his Aura powers mean he can see in the dark, then realised that wait, he can’t read his map with his Aura powers, then decided that he should memorise the map – instead of, you know, bringing a torch and some spare batteries like a sensible person – kinda gives the impression that he’s a bit too proud of, and reliant upon, Aura manipulation. If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a walnut, I guess.

Anyway! It’ll be cool to see how the dynamic between them unfolds now that you’ve got this initial set-up out of the way, and also to see more of what it is that Hikari is really after. And finally, here are a couple of typos and grammatical issues I spotted as I went through:



That should be ‘Arrival at Iron Island.



This construction requires a semicolon after ‘fresh’, rather than a comma, as well as an additional comma after ‘windows’.



I’m not sure how they’d mill in the cliffs; ‘on’ feels like a more appropriate preposition.



Unless this is some regional variant of the phrase I’ve never encountered before, that should be ‘all of a sudden’.



‘Aura user’ shouldn’t be hyphenated here; it’s just a noun phrase used as a subject.

Not sure how I managed to let two whole chapters get by me like that! Time to correct that little oversight. Riley's continuing to be a touch overbearing, huh; he's a do-things-first-explain-yourself-later kinda guy, huh. Like he could've mentioned the golbat before spooking them and startling Hikari like that, but I guess that wouldn't be Cool and Mysterious^TM, which I feel like is sort of a deal-breaker for him.

And we've got some interesting hints about Riley's past, too. I don't know how far any of this is canon – like I get the impression that this is all animeverse, so my knowledge of your immediate source is a bit lacking – but I'm sure all this conversation is foreshadowing some future revelations; we'll see more of Sir Aaron in time, I suspect. Or at least, it'd be pretty weird if there weren't some answers about his conduct during that landslide buried somewhere in this mysterious ancient relic of a bygone civilisation!

It also occurs to me that Riley's powers really are considered the preserve of myth, that kinda explains why nobody's found this place before: nobody's combined archaeological insight with aura powers the way that these two are, huh. Kind of interesting.

The battle against the steelix didn't quite work for me, however – I think it was the description of it taking 'twice the normal amount of damage' that did it. That's a really video gamey way of describing it, and it doesn't fit into your more lifelike setting well; it's also just hard to visualise. What does taking damage mean? Does the steelix's metal armour glow red-hot with the impact? Does it get scorched and covered in soot? Does it screech or thrash in rage or pain? Small details like that, showing us what actually happens rather than just telling us that the steelix took a nebulous amount of 'damage', would go a long way towards making the scene more vivid and real in the reader's mind.

Still, I'm enjoying learning a bit more about Hikari. I've only just discovered that she's Dawn – it was the infernape that tipped me off; I didn't know her name in the original Japanese before – so maybe you expected your readers to come to this conclusion a bit quicker than me, but still. It's sweet that she's developing an interest in archaeology and Sinnish history; I don't know if that has its roots in the anime or not, but like, it's a nice touch regardless, since I assume she acquired that from a meeting with Cynthia?

Riley, Hikari, and Lucario emerged into a larger cavern with high ceilings. It was tough to see by what little light they had, but Hikari could tell there were large structures throughout the cavern. Among the organic shapes of natural cave features, there were rectangular blocks and crumbling columns that could only have been hewn by people. Most striking of all was the shadow of a half-buried parthenon on the far side of the room.

“We made it…” said Hikari.

“Indeed,” said Riley. “This must be it. To think we’re actually standing where my ancestors once stood…”

He took a few steps forward before turning back to her, holding out his hand.

“It’s an uneven slope down,” he said. “May I?”

Appreciative of the gesture, Hikari gently took his hand, and they carefully made their way down to the ruins. As they got closer, they noticed a few more man-made remnants scattered around the cavern: the lights and equipment that the original dig team had left behind.

“Do you think those still work?” said Hikari, indicating to them.

“I doubt it,” said Riley. “It’s been more than twenty years since the dig team lost access. Those generators are likely long dead, and unfortunately I don’t have any electric-type Pokémon with me today.”

“Ah…” Hikari looked down at the Pokémon in her arms. “I don’t have any electric-types either, so I’ll have to rely on you for a bit longer then, Manaphy.”

“Mana, mana!”

“But, I have to wonder,” Hikari went on. “I was expecting the Iron Ruins to be outside the mine, yet there don’t seem to be any outside exits here…”

“I think I know why,” said Riley. “In lore it’s sometimes mentioned that the temple at Cameran had been built just inside the entrance to a cave. The walls of the cave must have subsided due to the landslide, and the entrance cut off by subsequent earth movement over time.”

“That makes sense,” said Hikari.

“It looks like the entrance to the main building is blocked off as well,” said Riley, “I’ll go have one of my Pokémon clear it for us.”

“Thank you,” said Hikari. She was far more interested in the stones strewn around the temple grounds—were her eyes playing tricks with her in the darkness, or were they engraved with ancient writing?

Riley took a Pokéball from his pocket and allowed it to open; Hikari made sure to close her eyes this time. Once the brightness had died down, Hikari took a peek at Riley’s second Pokémon. This one was a giant dragon Pokémon with finlike arms, its body covered in spikes. Hikari had seen one like that before: it was a favored Pokémon of the Sinnoh league champion, Cynthia.

“Garchomp, you’re not bothered by the dark, are you?” Riley asked. His Pokémon shook its head. “Good. I need your help with something…”

While Riley and his two Pokémon made their way toward the main temple building, Hikari went to investigate the downed pillars. Her hunch had been correct; many were inscribed with ancient writing. She brought Manaphy closer for a better look, but to her dismay, much of the writing was barely legible. Groundwater from the cave had slowly eaten away at the stones’ surfaces over time. Hikari wandered from stone to stone, trying to find one with a readable message. Finally, she found one that had suffered less extensive damage, and was able to discern some of the original text:

Honor… … lessed, speak:

Th… Spirits…

Heart… ..me

B… ..f Space

Further down, there was some additional writing, almost as though it were an addendum:

Speak not …

Lest … … come

“I see…” said Hikari, reading the text several times over. She’d seen writing like this at other temples across the region: it was a general reminder of the words said to honor the gods or Pokémon in question. This kind of message was usually posted at the outer gates of a temple, so that visitors would know the proper etiquette. Hikari had learned several local epithets for the Legendary Pokémon in her studies and travels.

“If I had to guess,” she said to herself. “The titles used in Cameran were ‘Three Spirits’, for the lake trio, ‘Heart of Time’ for Dialga, and ‘Breath of Space’ for Palkia. Those were commonly used in Western Sinnoh, so I guess I’m not surprised they spread to Cameran… ”

“Mana?” Manaphy chimed in, though whether it could follow Hikari’s reasoning was anyone’s guess.

“Right… What’s bothering me is this additional blurb,” Hikari continued. “Speak not, lest come…? I wonder… was this referencing a Pokémon that Cameran residents feared?”

“Mana, mana!”

“And they thought saying its very name could summon it… interesting. I wonder what Pokémon they were so afraid of.”

As Hikari pondered this, there came the low rumble of earth and debris. She looked toward the temple: it was tough to see in the dimness, but Riley and his Pokémon had managed to clear out the entrance.

“Hikari? I’m heading inside.”

“Got it. I’ll come with you.”

She stood up and ran over to him, stepping cautiously on the uneven ground. Riley’s Pokémon had cleared the boulders and rubble from the doorway; inside there was still a fair amount of loose earth, but it looked as though they would be able to stand on it. Riley recalled Garchomp and headed in first, followed by Lucario. Hikari brought up the rear.

“Manaphy, can you make your light just a little brighter?” Hikari asked.

“Mana, mana!” her Pokémon responded. It focused as hard as it could, making the light from its antennae shine brightly. It wasn’t much of an improvement, but it at least managed to illuminate much of the inside of the temple. To Hikari’s dismay, the main hall was about half flooded with earth. Artifacts of any importance were likely buried in the debris.

Riley took a look around the room, and seemed to notice something sticking out of the dirt at the far end. He approached it, his Pokémon behind him. The object in question was what appeared to be a ritual staff with a blue crystal mounted in the center.

“I recognize this…” he said. “Hikari, come look!”

Hikari walked over to him, bringing the object into the light. The crystal sparkled a little in the dim glow.

“What is this…?” she asked.

“I’ve seen it in illustrations before,” said Riley. “It was the staff once owned by… by my ancestor, the Aura Guardian Sir Aaron. This staff is the source of the Aura signals I’ve followed all this time…”

“This is an amazing discovery!” said Hikari. “But… what is it doing here, of all places? And—what are those flowers growing at the base?”

Hikari hadn’t noticed them in the dark, but in Manaphy’s light, a sort of crystal formation could be seen sparkling at the base of the staff. They looked simultaneously organic and mineral, almost like spun glass.

“Huh?” Riley glanced downward. “Oh, I recognize those as well. Those are Time Flowers—though it’s unknown whether they’re more mineral or plant.”

“They’re beautiful…” said Hikari. She glanced around the temple, and noticed the silhouettes of a few more of them dotting the main hall.

“Time Flowers are said to be native to Cameran,” Riley went on. “Since they form in places with a strong natural Aura, they have a special significance for Aura-users. I wonder if these ones grew up in reaction to the Aura on this staff, or whether they were here before it… There’s only one way to find out.”

“What do you mean?” asked Hikari.

“Time Flowers have the peculiar ability to record several minutes of time and play it back on command,” Riley explained. “They can only be activated by Aura-users, though. Let’s see if this one has recorded anything of note.”

Riley bent down to one of the crystals and held a hand out to it. He bent his head in concentration, and his palm began to glow with a blue light. To Hikari’s surprise, the Time Flower reacted to his Aura and unfurled slightly, revealing a blue light of its own. There was a flash as the light expanded to fill the room. Hikari couldn’t believe what she was seeing: the walls of the temple were restored to their former sharpness; the engraved decorations appeared in perfect relief. The rubble on the ground, though, was still there. The Time Flowers, once growing upright in the dirt, were now all strewn on their sides.

Hikari jumped as footsteps approached. She turned to see a young man stagger into the temple, hat askew, cloak ragged.

“The altar…!” he cried, “No, no…!”

He tripped a little bit, steadying himself with his staff. Hikari made to go help him, but Riley grabbed her arm.

“He’s not real,” Riley whispered. “See, look what he’s holding.”

Now that Riley mentioned it, Hikari noticed that the staff in the man’s hand was the same as the one stuck in the ground behind them.

The man came closer with heavy steps, his boots leaving deep imprints in the then-fresh mud. As he approached, Hikari noticed that this newcomer was the spitting image of Riley, if not looking slightly older and more haggard.

“Is that… Sir Aaron?” Hikari asked.

Riley nodded, silently: his eyes were riveted on the projection of his ancestor. Sir Aaron made it all the way to where the trainers were standing and planted his spectral staff in the mud, exactly where the real one still stood. The injured knight fell to his knees and wept, bitterly.

“Have I arrived too late?” he lamented. “Our sacred temple desecrated, devoured by the earth…”

He looked up, as though to address the heavens.

“O Spirits…. is Your kingdom beyond saving?” he went on. “Must I stand by and watch Cameran destroyed by the very earth we cherished? Is there nothing I can do to change our fate…?”

Sir Aaron’s words echoed in the stillness. For a moment Hikari thought that his desperate plea would fall on deaf ears, but in the next instant there came the high-pitched sound of a Pokémon. A bright light appeared at the far end of the temple, taking the shape of a small, elflike Pokémon with twin tails. The Pokémon glanced around, taking in the current state of the temple with a sad look in its eyes.

“Mesprit…” said Sir Aaron, reverence in his voice, “The Holy Spirit of Emotions, Patron Fae of Aura…”

“Indeed, it is I,” a small voice answered him. Hikari realized the voice belonged to the elflike Pokémon. “Rise, guardian, and speak. Why have you braved the rain and mud to come here?”

“I come with a dire request,” said Aaron, unsteadily getting to his feet. “My fellow knights are preparing to use their Aura to slow the landslide’s progress, but I fear their power alone will not be enough. O Holy One, I entreat you—you must help them save our kingdom.”

“I want nothing more, believe me!” said Mesprit. “But I am but one small Pokémon; my power is less than you imagine it to be. Even together with Uxie and Azelf, I can only offer so much…”

“If it’s power you need, then please, take mine!” said Sir Aaron. “I’ll give anything for my kingdom—even my life. Please, O Holy One…”

Mesprit seemed to hesitate, but then the Legendary Pokémon nodded.

“I see. This may be enough to turn the hand of fate… I will accept your power, Aura Knight.”

Mesprit floated over to Sir Aaron, and the knight held out both hands. He closed his eyes and bent his head in concentration.

“The Aura is with me,” he said quietly, by way of incantation. The palms of his hands began to glow with a light that quickly coalesced into a sphere, engulfing Mesprit in pure Aura. As the light grew brighter and brighter, sparks began to fly from Aaron’s body. He let out a strained grunt, but he did not waver: if anything, he seemed to strengthen his resolve through the pain. Hikari brought a hand to her mouth in shock.

“Is he… is he really going to…?!” she whispered.

Sir Aaron grit his teeth, knees shaking. It was becoming harder for him to stay standing.

“The Aura… is with me!!”

As he let out one final cry, the light grew blindingly bright—and suddenly, all was still once more. The temple was back to its current state of disrepair; the scattered Time Flowers all standing upright. Even Aaron’s footsteps in the mud had vanished. The activated Time Flower’s light faded, and its leaflike surface curled inward again.

Hikari wanted to say something to break the uneasy silence, but thought better of it. She glanced up at Riley, waiting for him to speak first—and was surprised to see tears rolling down his cheeks.

“So this is how my ancestor met his end…” he said at length.

“I’m so sorry,” said Hikari quietly.

“Oh, no, it’s alright,” said Riley. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and delicately dried his eyes. “If I’m being honest… I’m moved. I’ve finally found proof that my ancestor wasn’t a deserter or coward. Quite the opposite… he showed unwavering courage until the end, and made the ultimate sacrifice to save his kingdom. I suppose now I can truly say I’m proud to be his descendant.”

Riley took a small fabric pouch from his pocket and untied it; the pouch expanded into a full-size tote. He knelt down to the Time Flower and made to uproot it.

“W-what are you doing?” Hikari asked, startled.

“I’d like to take this with me,” said Riley. “The staff as well. Something this important should be preserved.”

“Wait!” said Hikari. “Shouldn’t we leave this site as is, in case the archaeologists can come back?”

“It’s troublesome to make the trek all the way back here, and I don’t want to risk something happening to them. There’s also the fact that once picked, a Time Flower’s memory can never be overwritten.”

“Oh…”

Riley carefully picked two of the flowers growing at the base of the staff: the one he’d used, and an extra, just in case he’d already overwritten the first’s memory by activating it. He slipped these into the bag.

“Lucario, if you would.”

“Luca,” said Lucario, holding out its paws. Riley handed the bag to his Pokémon before turning back to the staff. With a decisive tug he was able to pull it free, the metal accents clinking. For a moment he stood quietly, holding the staff in both hands—though his eyes were closed, Hikari could tell he seemed to be looking it over. What could be going through his mind, holding his ancestor’s staff in his own hands?

“Ah, sorry,” said Riley, as if he’d noticed her eyes on him. “The power in this staff seems to resonate with my own… almost as though it recognizes me. It’s a very strange feeling.”

“I can’t even imagine…”

“Shall we be going?” said Riley. “Er—I mean, have you seen enough? I’m willing to stay longer if you’d like to look around more.”

“I think we’ve had enough for one day,” said Hikari with a tired sigh. “Right, Manapy?”

“Mana, mana…” Manaphy yawned as it spoke.

“Besides,” said Hikari. “We’ve made an amazing discovery here. Now we know for certain that another accessway exists.”

“Guarded by a territorial Steelix, of course.”

“Right, but still. And we’ve discovered tangible evidence that your ancestor didn’t abandon the kingdom after all. I’m ready to call that a win.”

Riley bent his head a little, smiling.

“You’re right. Thank you, Hikari.”

The two of them made their way back out of the temple. Hikari took a moment to look around one last time, making sure that she hadn’t missed anything among the ruined stones. How long would it be before she—before anyone—had the chance to come back here, to see what else might be waiting to be discovered?

“Mana, mana?”

Her Pokémon’s voice brought her back out of her thoughts.

“Right. Let’s get going, Manaphy.”

_____________

I got behind again! And there's a lot to cover in these chapters, huh. Maybe I should've expected this, but some cursory googling reveals that a lot of this stuff is apparently canon, for a certain version of the pokémon world. So I'm learning a lot, I guess! Didn't know Sir Aaron was a canon character, or that time flowers were a thing. It all sounds kind of odd, honestly, but you present it so straightforwardly that it's hard to take it that way; I think that's both a good and a bad thing. Like it's good, in that it cements these (even more) fantastical things into the world as a part of life – but I do also think that it means Hikari accepts it all a bit too easily; there's like, none of that hesitance she had when she was first confronted with evidence of Riley's aura powers. It just seems like she got over all that a bit too quickly, I think.

Anyway, here are our answers: Aaron was no deserter, as was expected, and Hikari did find her ruin after all. And she made it back in time for the ferry, too! Man, I'm not sure I was expecting everything to be resolved so quickly or easily; seems she wasn't quite as naïve as I thought to believe she could wrap everything up in just a few hours. That's probably a lot of my response to this story, actually – I think I went into it expecting it to take a few more twists and turns than it does, and it's taken a bit of adjustment to get used to the story it actually is. But I don't think I'm disappointed; this is a nice, light piece of fiction, and despite not knowing all the things I think I was supposed to know about its source material, I've enjoyed reading it. The ending is sweet, and it's got hints of something bigger, should you ever want to expand on it. Nicely done!

One little correction here:



That comma after 'Riley' should be a full stop.