Cynthia’s Choice - [One-Shot]

Cynthia’s Choice - [One-Shot] Jan 11, 2019 2:16:46 GMT

Post by Cavespider_17 on Jan 11, 2019 2:16:46 GMT

This is a piece for the Extravaganza for Dtmahanen based off of prompts three and four: Cynthia actually doing stuff with her knowledge of mythology and history and A winter festival of some kind (screw it, it's still winter)

Cynthia’s Choice

The clouds hovered over Snowpoint city in a threatening manner. It was bound to snow again soon, and the nicely cleared paths would become impassable again to anyone who wasn’t local, or experienced in the snow.

The temple’s roof dripped icicles steep and sharp enough to cause someone harm if knocked from their delicate position. However, they weren’t lasting long, as the local gym leader, Candice, was having them cut off and crystallised, just in time for the festival of the winter equinox. Although she was considered crazy for wearing just a light jumper and skirt in the snow, she seemed unfazed as she pulled the icicles off their final hinges. Carefully brushing them against her blue and white striped skirt as she did, wary of letting her black platted hair get tangled against the cold ice.

She placed the last icicle in the cart and started to wheel it towards the festival grounds. Her eyes scanned through the stalls that were being set up. Her eyes danced around looking at all the different types of balloons being blown up above each stand. The red ones symbolised hot food, blue for games, yellow for trinket shop, green for Rapidash cart and pink for ice cream.

‘I have no idea why we are selling ice cream at a winter festival, but whatever,’ Candice thought as she parked her icicle cart at the trinket stall and started to have them crystallised by a Chimecho.

She scoured the eyes around the snowy terrain looking for the first few people to enter the festival. Sure enough, a crowd from Snowpoint City itself flocked in like they did every year.

“Miss Candice! Miss Candice!” She heard.

“What is it?” She replied, a little concerned due to the urgency of the caller.

“Miss Candice, come quick! The Champion is here!” The boy scurried off in the direction of the ice cream stall on the edge of the festival.

“Of course she is there…” Candice let out a little smile, “it’s never too cold for ice cream if you are Cynthia…” She put down her stall’s equipment and headed over to greet her.

“…but I like mint too, but mint is too refreshing in this wind… what about chocolate? Chocolate is amazing, but if I drop it in this snow… I wonder if there is a way I can have more than one flavour per scoop…” Cynthia appeared to be muttering to herself and the ice-cream stall owner, whose facial expression appeared to display a mixture of excitement, overwhelmed and confused.

“Cynthia!” Candice called, approaching the stall.

“Hello Candice. What do you think? Mint, or Chocolate?” Cynthia replied, holding up a cone.

“Er…” the Gym leader responded, unsure what to say. “Well… I see you are enjoying the festival so far.”

“Yes, it’s wonderful to celebrate the winter equinox… but… I am here for another reason,” her eyes darted to the temple, “As you know Team Galactic are out there causing mayhem. I need to see if the rumours themselves are true… about the giant beneath the ice… Regigigas. So far I have researched its location. It won’t wake up. Not without the Regi trio. However, it is an awfully powerful Pokémon to let fall into the hands of Team Galactic.”

“Well we don’t usually allow visitors into the temple, especially right now since it’s under renovation… but sure, after the festival I will open it to you.”

“Thank you,” Cynthia said, paying for the ice-cream, and tucking in, “I am going to have a go at some of the stalls and have a good time until then.”

***

“Master Cyrus, the equinox festival has begun,” Jupiter chirped up.

“Yes but there is a problem,” Saturn pushed his blue hair back up, adjusting his headset, “she is there. Cynthia. She appears to be having a good time according to our reconnaissance. She is playing along with the festival… but… you and I know why she is really there. To stop us getting to Regigigas. To interfere with the plans of Team Galactic. I vote we int-”

“No need for that Saturn. We have other pressing matters,” Cyrus interrupted, “after all, Regigigas is a distraction.”

“Boss?” Saturn quickly responded.

“Uxie is the main target. Of course… we need to capture the lake trio to create the red-chain… to control Dialga and Palkia. However, if we do obtain Regigigas obtaining Uxie is easier. Up to her how we obtain the lake trio.”

***

As night fell Cynthia stepped into the temple, book in hand. She was studying the layout of the traps laid in the past to prevent anyone unworthy ever reaching the giant who slept below. She descended the ancient, weak stone stairs.

“Hello… old giant… we meet at last…” she said, looking across the iced path. She paused for a moment and looked at the book, and then back at the ice, starting to plot the route to get to the sleeping beast.

Carefully she slid towards it along the cracking ice.

“I guess it’s time to protect you more. I solved this, but Saturn and Cyrus will undoubtedly solve it too,” Cynthia muttered.

“Lady Cynthia!” Someone called out from the door way, “It’s Team Galactic! They are after Uxie!”

“Did I choose wrong?” Cynthia muttered, looking up at the giant before heading out of the temple.

Cynthia’s Choice - [One-Shot] Jul 21, 2019 2:20:47 GMT

Post by admin on Jul 21, 2019 2:20:47 GMT

I think I see what you were trying to do here, but I feel like it was hampered a little bit by the fact that it didn't have too much time to develop. To put it in short, not to be super obvious, but this is literally about Cynthia's choice. Mint or chocolate? Regigigas or Uxie? You were building up something rather interesting with that metaphor there. The beginning was slow and careful (although I thought it was odd that Candice stopped her train of thought to muse about the presence of an ice cream stall—yes, that stall turns out to be important, but it still feels like it was brought in abruptly), and you started to build this rather interesting, almost introspective feel. Like, Candice is almost down-to-earth compared to Cynthia, so that sharp contrast between the two almost highlights the question Cynthia poses. Plus, there's the fact that you transition so smoothly into the subject of Regigigas, build up some sound logic on Cynthia's part, and generally work towards a rather interesting piece that might be centered around Candice and Cynthia going off to see Regigigas or just in general enjoying the festival—something slower paced but still pretty even, you know? I also thought that the fact that you don't reveal which flavor Cynthia ultimately went with to be a rather nice touch. In short, everything was building up to this choice Cynthia had to make, and it did so with careful precision and only one really odd beat. You were set.

Where things started to get shaky, though, is with Team Galactic. From there, the perspective shifts. We're pried out of Candice's head rather abruptly, but more importantly ... that scene is basically telling us that Cynthia chose wrong, so sharply after you posed the question of whether or not she chose right. The problem with this is that not only is it a sudden shift from the slow and steady pace/feel you were going for in the first scene, but it also removes any stakes there were to be had.

I know that's rather unclear, so let me put it another way. The first scene establishes Cynthia's character through Candice's eyes. It's told through Candice's mindset, but we start to get an inkling of what Cynthia's decision-making skills are like. As readers, we expect this scene to be followed up with more details about Cynthia's mindset and the importance of choice. She has the option of going after either Regigigas or Uxie, but we don't really spend enough time with her to understand the importance of her choice or how she came to the conclusion that Regigigas is ultimately worth going after. (Yes, you give us a paragraph, but that's not really enough space for something that's supposed to be the focus of the story. That and Cynthia has a point: if Regigigas can't awaken without the power of the other Regis, why is it more important than Uxie?) Instead, the second scene is actually about how Cynthia is wrong, and it's told from the perspective of Team Galactic. You'd expect this to be more of a climax scene or ending scene, as it's basically taking that decision that this whole fic is centered around and answering it with a final note. This means that the third scene, which finally gives us the glimpse into Cynthia's head we were looking for (only not really because it's more told from the perspective of the objective narrator, rather than Cynthia herself), is rendered a little redundant with the second scene because it's basically stating again that she chose wrong.

In other words, I really wanted to like this fic. It starts out really strongly and does some interesting stuff with characterization and metaphor. It just kinda feels like that the second and third scenes were a little underdeveloped and perhaps a little out of order. Maybe if you switched the order of the two scenes (have the one with Cynthia climbing down to see Regigigas first and flesh it out more), the whole thing about Cynthia's decisions and how much they can impact Sinnoh as a whole will really be highlighted. As a bonus, you wouldn't even have to change the Team Galactic scene all that much; leaving it as is but moving it to the end will just be like a final punch in the stomach to the fact that Cynthia 100% made the wrong decision.

Sooooo ... long bit o' crit short, there's a lot of potential here, definitely.